Friday, August 14, 2009

New York Adventures.

For my loyal readers, Courtney Ferracane, my deepest apologies for my lack of updatifications lately. I have just been jet setting across the country and what not.

Lets discuss New York City: I enjoyed my time there immensely; I recommend people that have not been to this great city pay it a little visit. I think for this post I’m going to try out a new format. Here is a list of my top adventures and observations in New York.

5) The Museum of Modern Art (MOMA). Not only did I see the actual starry night by one Vincent Van Gogh, but I also saw some freak show who took an entire room to write down people’s heights in accordance with the day they visited the museum, and a panting of all black called “Oil on Canvass.” Truly art. I also, of course, loved all the peens and boobies that were on display. You know I love that biznASS.

4) The Subway. I didn’t see all that many sights when I was in New York because I didn’t want to be a typical tourist like the person illustrated in number 3, but something I had to do was ride the subway because I LOVE public transportation. Love it. I love it, I love it, I lllllllove it. I basically starred at everyone on the subway. I made sexy eyes at all the cute guys. I rode that thing like it was the monorail at Disney world. It was my fav.

3) Asian tourists. I know this is cliché and slightly racist but I loved it so it made the list. Everywhere I went, and I mean everywhere, I saw some sort of Asian group of tourists taking pictures of things and literally standing there and pointing. You know this thrilled me to no end. Now my observations led me to classify tourists: Asians of course looked like Asians and were pointing, Midwestern tourists had fanny packs and I <3 style="mso-spacerun: yes"> So, I was in Time Square to attempt to buy some discount tickets to a Broadway show and I kid you not, I saw the super tourists. An Asian man with his huge ass camera, wearing manprees rocking the fanny pack and the small backpack. My mind almost exploded. Was he from Asian? Was he from Europe? Was he a parent of a child I teach at Swim America? I didn’t know what to do. So I did what any self-respecting person would do. I judged the shit out of him and wondered if he was being ironic about his choices or was he really that clueless.

2) GoGo boys. There is a wonderful gay bar in New York City called Splash. I highly recommend that all people (gay, straight, bi, curious, tranny hooker, or whatever) visit this joyous establishment. There is a rather steep cover charge of $20 but it is worth it and way more. As soon as I turned the corner to walk towards the dance floor my jaw hit the floor as my virgin Midwestern eyes fell upon a gorgeous man dancing on a stripper pole wearing nothing but little briefs. There were about 3 or 4 GoGo boys and they all had obviously been up in the gym just working on their fitness, I’m their witness. Along with their chiseled bodies these men had obviously been stuffing their briefs witch I greatly appreciate. Basically, I instantly fell in love with all of them and they with me. The music was jumpin jumpin and I was dippin it low and pickin it up slow and loving every minute of it. I was practicing for when I move to New York and my true aspirations of becoming a famous GoGo dancer are realized.

1) Tranny hookers. It’s true, I saw a legit tranny hooker. At first I was a little confused on what was going on with the man in the bright pink mesh t-shirt and the lovely tranny standing next to him. Then after some astute observations I realized that indeed this was a trynny hooker and the classy man in the mesh shirt was her pimp. They were summoning all that walked past and actually had one possible client. The moment I saw all of this go down I said to myself, “If a tranny hooker can make it here so can you. Ryan, you have to live in this glorious city. Duh.”

Now I’m sure more and more stories from this glorious city will come out in a bit of time. As I process and reflect on the first half of my gay tour 2009. Stay posted for part two of gay tour 2009 as I am on my way to San Francisco.

1 comment:

  1. you need to update more. I need your daily updatifications. I can't live without them