Saturday, July 25, 2009

Living the Life

I know all of my loyal readers have been long awaiting a new post and to them I say, "I'm sorry, surprisingly nothing that exciting has been happening to me."  In place of an interesting story I shall share a story about my mundane life:

This week in order to make up for my 10 hours of work last week (due to birthday festivities), I worked a grueling 27 hours.  It was the most painful thing I have ever done.  I couldn't go out drinking every night or sit on Facebook for 8 hours a day.  Do you know how much this hurt my sanity? 
I once took a quiz online to see if I had an internet addiction and one of the questions was: "Do you often think of soothing thoughts of the internet when stress or under pressure?"  To which I answered "always."  Facebook is my meditaion, its my soother, my alpha, my omega, my provider, its always with me... you get the picture.  
While at work this week I did many important things that many may see as small insignificant details but the way I see it is those tasks change the world one child at a time.  For example: today we had too many supervisors so I used my extra time wisely and I went to Einstein's bagels and picked up 19 delicious circular treats for the workers.  Had those high school students, who so willingly (while complaining and rolling their eyes) teach over privilege children how to swim, not had something to sooth their hunger they would have most likely ripped off the arm of a 4 year old asian child and eaten it for a snack.  Obviously a child's life was saved by picking up those bagels. 
These are the type of tasks that separate a Swim America hero from a Swim America Zero.  I would like to leave you with this: if a child my die because of a carnivorous swim teacher's hunger for human flesh feed that hunger with a cranberry bagel.  Everyone will appreciate it.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

My First Post.

Okay so here is my new blog.  I mean I know that this is so 2000 and late but I'm doing it anyway.  I mean most people ask what my blog is about and I mean its about me...duh.  So keep reading and all that jazz.  

So lets discuss today. I went to a gay bar tonight, Novak's, and it was karaoke night.  Needless to say there were some real treasures. Lets discuss Bob, the host of karaoke.  Apparently tonight was his 10 year anniversary of doing karaoke.  Bob is probably 45 or so years old and he had a young boy, who could not be a day older than 15, on to stage.  They proceeded to sing a lovely duet to George Michael's Freedom.  As they sang bob proceeded to grind up on his 15 year old lover.  It was quite the spectacle.  Then a lovely he/she name Jaqulin got up and sang some country song i didn't know but Jaqulin had the face of a woman yet the stunning body of a 60 year old man.   It was more beautiful than you could ever imagine.  I couldn't help but picture myself as a 60 year old transgendered, as any ordinary person would do, and I concluded that if I had half the legs that Jaqulin did I would feel like a success in life... duh.  I think that what can be learned here is if you ever get the chance to go to a gay bar's karaoke on a sunday night do it.  It can only result in a true spectacle of freaky delight.