New York Adventures.

For my loyal readers, Courtney Ferracane, my deepest apologies for my lack of updatifications lately. I have just been jet setting across the country and what not.

Lets discuss New York City: I enjoyed my time there immensely; I recommend people that have not been to this great city pay it a little visit. I think for this post I’m going to try out a new format. Here is a list of my top adventures and observations in New York.

5) The Museum of Modern Art (MOMA). Not only did I see the actual starry night by one Vincent Van Gogh, but I also saw some freak show who took an entire room to write down people’s heights in accordance with the day they visited the museum, and a panting of all black called “Oil on Canvass.” Truly art. I also, of course, loved all the peens and boobies that were on display. You know I love that biznASS.

4) The Subway. I didn’t see all that many sights when I was in New York because I didn’t want to be a typical tourist like the person illustrated in number 3, but something I had to do was ride the subway because I LOVE public transportation. Love it. I love it, I love it, I lllllllove it. I basically starred at everyone on the subway. I made sexy eyes at all the cute guys. I rode that thing like it was the monorail at Disney world. It was my fav.

3) Asian tourists. I know this is cliché and slightly racist but I loved it so it made the list. Everywhere I went, and I mean everywhere, I saw some sort of Asian group of tourists taking pictures of things and literally standing there and pointing. You know this thrilled me to no end. Now my observations led me to classify tourists: Asians of course looked like Asians and were pointing, Midwestern tourists had fanny packs and I <3 style="mso-spacerun: yes"> So, I was in Time Square to attempt to buy some discount tickets to a Broadway show and I kid you not, I saw the super tourists. An Asian man with his huge ass camera, wearing manprees rocking the fanny pack and the small backpack. My mind almost exploded. Was he from Asian? Was he from Europe? Was he a parent of a child I teach at Swim America? I didn’t know what to do. So I did what any self-respecting person would do. I judged the shit out of him and wondered if he was being ironic about his choices or was he really that clueless.

2) GoGo boys. There is a wonderful gay bar in New York City called Splash. I highly recommend that all people (gay, straight, bi, curious, tranny hooker, or whatever) visit this joyous establishment. There is a rather steep cover charge of $20 but it is worth it and way more. As soon as I turned the corner to walk towards the dance floor my jaw hit the floor as my virgin Midwestern eyes fell upon a gorgeous man dancing on a stripper pole wearing nothing but little briefs. There were about 3 or 4 GoGo boys and they all had obviously been up in the gym just working on their fitness, I’m their witness. Along with their chiseled bodies these men had obviously been stuffing their briefs witch I greatly appreciate. Basically, I instantly fell in love with all of them and they with me. The music was jumpin jumpin and I was dippin it low and pickin it up slow and loving every minute of it. I was practicing for when I move to New York and my true aspirations of becoming a famous GoGo dancer are realized.

1) Tranny hookers. It’s true, I saw a legit tranny hooker. At first I was a little confused on what was going on with the man in the bright pink mesh t-shirt and the lovely tranny standing next to him. Then after some astute observations I realized that indeed this was a trynny hooker and the classy man in the mesh shirt was her pimp. They were summoning all that walked past and actually had one possible client. The moment I saw all of this go down I said to myself, “If a tranny hooker can make it here so can you. Ryan, you have to live in this glorious city. Duh.”

Now I’m sure more and more stories from this glorious city will come out in a bit of time. As I process and reflect on the first half of my gay tour 2009. Stay posted for part two of gay tour 2009 as I am on my way to San Francisco.

Living the Life

I know all of my loyal readers have been long awaiting a new post and to them I say, "I'm sorry, surprisingly nothing that exciting has been happening to me."  In place of an interesting story I shall share a story about my mundane life:

This week in order to make up for my 10 hours of work last week (due to birthday festivities), I worked a grueling 27 hours.  It was the most painful thing I have ever done.  I couldn't go out drinking every night or sit on Facebook for 8 hours a day.  Do you know how much this hurt my sanity? 

I once took a quiz online to see if I had an internet addiction and one of the questions was: "Do you often think of soothing thoughts of the internet when stress or under pressure?"  To which I answered "always."  Facebook is my meditaion, its my soother, my alpha, my omega, my provider, its always with me... you get the picture.  

While at work this week I did many important things that many may see as small insignificant details but the way I see it is those tasks change the world one child at a time.  For example: today we had too many supervisors so I used my extra time wisely and I went to Einstein's bagels and picked up 19 delicious circular treats for the workers.  Had those high school students, who so willingly (while complaining and rolling their eyes) teach over privilege children how to swim, not had something to sooth their hunger they would have most likely ripped off the arm of a 4 year old asian child and eaten it for a snack.  Obviously a child's life was saved by picking up those bagels. 

These are the type of tasks that separate a Swim America hero from a Swim America Zero.  I would like to leave you with this: if a child my die because of a carnivorous swim teacher's hunger for human flesh feed that hunger with a cranberry bagel.  Everyone will appreciate it.

My First Post.

Okay so here is my new blog.  I mean I know that this is so 2000 and late but I'm doing it anyway.  I mean most people ask what my blog is about and I mean its about me...duh.  So keep reading and all that jazz.  

So lets discuss today. I went to a gay bar tonight, Novak's, and it was karaoke night.  Needless to say there were some real treasures. Lets discuss Bob, the host of karaoke.  Apparently tonight was his 10 year anniversary of doing karaoke.  Bob is probably 45 or so years old and he had a young boy, who could not be a day older than 15, on to stage.  They proceeded to sing a lovely duet to George Michael's Freedom.  As they sang bob proceeded to grind up on his 15 year old lover.  It was quite the spectacle.  Then a lovely he/she name Jaqulin got up and sang some country song i didn't know but Jaqulin had the face of a woman yet the stunning body of a 60 year old man.   It was more beautiful than you could ever imagine.  I couldn't help but picture myself as a 60 year old transgendered, as any ordinary person would do, and I concluded that if I had half the legs that Jaqulin did I would feel like a success in life... duh.  I think that what can be learned here is if you ever get the chance to go to a gay bar's karaoke on a sunday night do it.  It can only result in a true spectacle of freaky delight.